This
fic is dedicated to anybody who’s suffered the loss of a friend and/or loved
one; as Wilson said from 7th Heaven, we’re all part of the club that
nobody wants to belong to…that we’re forced into becoming a member whether we
want to or not…and only fellow members can truly know what it’s like.
It
was quite warm for the early winter season that year. The air was brisk, yet not uncomfortable. A gentle breeze wove its way through
Sakura’s short, auburn hair, slightly thwarting her vision with a few
strands. Wordlessly, the young,
12-year-old pushed the offending hair off her face as she knelt before the
massive tombstone in front of her, simultaneously placing a small bouquet upon
the head. Her fingers made their way up
over the delicate writing, gently brushing each letter with her fingertips:
Kinomoto Nadeshiko
“Ohayo.”
She greeted the memorial of her mother, as she always did with her picture, but
could think of little else to say. Every day, for as long as she could
remember, she would always greet one of the many pictures her father hung up of
her mother as if she were still alive.
But Sakura soon found that it was much more difficult to talk to her
mother’s gravestone than photo. Doing
so would acknowledge the fact she was gone…something she was not quite
prepared to do. Not yet.
“Sometimes,
I lay in bed late at night…long after Kero-chan’s gone to sleep, and it feels
like you’re there.” She began speaking to the grave, her voice barely loud
enough to carry over the wind, “Touya-kun used to tell me stories about how he
could see ghosts because he had magic, and I believed him. He said that he could see you and even talk
to you on occasion. Normally, I would
run screaming at the sight of a ghost…but not you. So much has happened to me over the years, and you never got to
see it. I almost wish I had Touya’s
gift…the one he had before he gave it up to save Yukito-san…so I could talk to
you about everything and everyone in my life…
“…like
Tomoyo-chan. You remember her, right;
Daidoji-san’s daughter? She’s one of
the best friends I could have ever asked for—kind, gentle, and always there for
me. I don’t know what I’d do without
her. I can tell Tomoyo-chan anything,
no matter what, and she’ll listen. I
have to admit, though, she scares me sometimes…especially when she has that
camera of hers; she gets this far-off look in her eye and starts chuckling
almost…almost…evilly…. When she
gets like that, she reminds me so much of Eriole-kun ” Sakura giggled slightly
as she continued, “The similarities between those two are hilarious close. I never know what’s going on in either or
their minds, nor can I ever figure out what ‘evil’ scheme they’re planning
next. If they ever chose to team up…I’d
be in *BIG* trouble….” Realizing she was getting off subject, she shook her
head slightly before continuing on, “Tomoyo-chan sees the whole Clow/Sakura
Cards deal as a giant fashion show with me as the star. It’s a little embarrassing, but I go along
for her because if makes her so happy.
She tries playing ‘dress-up’ every chance she gets. Sometimes, I could swear Tomoyo-chan
predicts ahead of time when a costume is—as she says—absolutely necessary. I guess it’s her way of being able to help, since
she doesn’t have magic of her own. Or
maybe she does…I never could figure out that one” A distant look appeared on
her face for a moment as she found herself lost in though, “I’ve grown used to
it over the years, I guess…and Kero-chan seems to like them, as well.
“Kero-chan…Keroberos…either
form, he’s a wonderful guardian and even better friend. He’s been with me every step of the way,
guiding me, teaching me, and protecting me from anything I’ve had to come
face-to-face with. I wasn’t sure if I could
compete with Clow Reed in magic, but he believed in me no matter what. Like with the Final Judgment, and Yue. Kero-chan trusted me whole-heartedly and
defended me. In his false form…it
wouldn’t be far off to say he’s completely addicted to pudding, video
games, and being lazy…but he’s still very loyal, and knows when he is
needed. You should have been there when
he was still trying to hide from Touya-kun,” A smirk made it’s way across her
face. “I could swear he knew what was going on the entire time, only he never
said anything so I couldn’t be sure. He
used to have minute-long one-sided staring contests, and poor Kero-chan would
just sit there trying to stay as still as possible. It was hard to try and not burst out laughing while watching
them.”
Here,
she paused for a moment to catch her breath, then continued on. “Poor
Touya-kun…but eventually, he found out…and he didn’t really seem all that
surprised, now that I think about it.
But then again, if it weren’t for the Clow Cards and Kero-chan and Yue,
he wouldn’t have Yukito-san…. Touya-kun
and I argue. A lot. He constantly calls me ‘kaiju’, and I plot
the day I can squish him under my foot because of that. It surprises me how
different Yukito-san and Touya-kun are.
I’m not going to lie to you; sometimes I could almost swear he hates
me. But then…” she sighed, “Then, there
are those rare times when he protected me—made sure I wouldn’t get hurt. He carried me home from school on his back
the time I caught fever, and took care of me.
He also worries about me every time I go on another ‘adventure’. He never admits it, but I know he does. And then there was the whole matter of
giving up his power, his ability to talk to ghosts, in order to save Yukito-san
and Yue-san. It’s times like those I
realize that he really does love me, like I love him, and only wants to keep me
safe. Times like those, I’m glad he’s
my brother…even if he and Syaoran-kun refuse to get along…” Her voice trailed
off for a moment, lost in thought. A
tiny smile appeared across her face simultaneously with a tough of red to the
cheeks.
“When
Syaoran-kun first came to Tomoeda, I could have sworn he hated me. All the insults…all the glares…but he never
seemed to glare hard enough to scare me away.
Eventually, we became good friends and partners in Card-capturing. Oh, and Tomoyo-chan with her camera, of
course. It’s strange—all that time…all
the adventures we shared…and I never knew.” Her mind was off in another land as
she continued, “I was totally oblivious to both his feelings…and my own. When he finally told me he loved me, I was
in complete shock. Then he left me—went
back to China. I missed him terribly,
more than I thought I would, and when he came back…I was thrilled to see him,
of course, but suddenly didn’t know what to say. Things I never realized I knew I felt were beginning to surface,
and I got confused. It took almost
losing him forever to realize that…that I love him, too. I guess I always did. Tomoyo-chan knew…Kero-chan knew…Yukito-san
knew…Eriole-kun…I’ll bet even Touya-kun knew.” She half-smirked as she
whispered the next sentence: “I’m always the last to know….”
Unbeknownst
to her at the moment, Tomoyo, Eriol, and Syaoran entered the cool cemetery,
grouping together wordlessly underneath one of the large Cherry Blossom
trees. Had she been paying close
attention, Sakura may have felt their auras, but she was so indulged in talking
with her mother that the trio went unnoticed by her for some time. Realizing this was something that the young
Card Mistress needed to do on her own, the three chose to remain silent and not
disturb her just yet.
Sakura
wasn’t crying, but tiny droplets of water found their way to her eyes, slightly
blurring her vision as she stared unwaveringly as the flowers she had placed—fujitakas,
touyas, and sakuras…one for each member of her family. Nadeshiko loved flowers, having named her
two children after her favorites, and Sakura knew this fact well. It seemed so sad that they would lie to
waste in front of a dead grave, with no one to admire them…but the thought
never came to her mind. They were her mother’s
flowers, and no one else’s.
Absentmindedly,
she brushed a few of the petals around as she continued with her quiet
monologue, “Syaoran-kun…Yukito-san…Kero-chan…Tomoyo-chan…I wish you could meet
them, mother…. You’d love them all as
much as I do, I’m sure of it, and they’d all love you as well. Father puts a new picture of you up in the
house every day, and every day I say good morning as if you were really
there. Father and Touya-kun never
forgot you and I promise I never will, either….” Her voice trailed off at these
words, eyes wide. Realization of what
she had just said struck her hard. In
an instant, she collapsed from her kneeling-position straight to the ground. Her head hung down, she quietly sobbed free
of tears.
The
others immediately saw this, and began to worry. Syaoran was about to head over to comfort her, when a hand on his
shoulder stopped him in his tracks.
Turning back, he met eye-to-eye with Eriol, who wordlessly shook his
head. Understanding completely, Syaoran
turned to the raven-haired girl beside him.
“You
go. What she needs is a friend.”
Tomoyo,
almost in tears herself from Sakura’s pain, nodded in reply. Giving Syaoran a quick hug in gratitude, she
whispered, “She’s lucky to have you…more so than you both realize.” Without
another sound, Tomoyo quietly walked over to where her best friend since second
grade lay in an emotional heap, leaving the two boys to watch from a distance.
In
the next instant, Sakura felt a pair of delicate arms wrap around her in a
half-hug, the scent of lavender giving away Tomoyo’s identity. She wanted to push her back, say that she
was fine…but instead, found herself quietly sobbing into her best friend’s
shoulder. Kneeling down to be level
with her, Tomoyo held to her tightly, absentmindedly stroking the
slightly-younger girl’s hair in attempt to calm her down. After about half a minute, Sakura finally
looked up with (to Tomoyo’s surprise) eyes just barely damp. Not a tear had been shed from the girl.
“Are
you okay, Sakura-chan?” Tomoyo asked.
Sakura stared at the bottom of the gravestone for a good while, her head
still on Tomoyo’s shoulder.
When
she finally did answer, her already deathly-quiet voice came out in a small
quiver. “Why can’t I cry, Tomoyo-chan?”
“What?”
Tomoyo turned to look at her with curiosity.
Sakura hardly moved as she spoke up, slightly louder this time.
“Why
can’t I cry? I’m sitting right in front
of my mother’s grave…and I... She’s
gone, and I can’t cry.” Finally, she sat up to look directly into the
lavender-colored eyes she trusted so deeply, “I want to cry. I should cry. How come I can’t?”
Tomoyo
almost couldn’t help but smile as she brushed away a few bangs from Sakura’s
eyes, replying in nearly the same voice Sakura used, “You shouldn’t have to
cry, Sakura-chan, and please don’t…you’re much too beautiful when you’re happy
to be anything but.” She gently took Sakura’s hands in her own, giving them a
little comforting squeeze. “You’ve gone nine years without crying. It’s because you’re strong—stronger than
anyone I know. Something tells me you
got it from your mother.” Sakura smiled weakly as Tomoyo continued on, “I’m
sure she wouldn’t want you to be sad.
It’s okay to cry, but it’s also okay not to cry…” For lack of
more words, Tomoyo’s voice trailed off.
She loved Sakura dearly, and it pained her enormously to see her best
friend hurting so bad…especially when it’s something that she couldn’t help or
fix or…
Sakura
surprised her by engulfing Tomoyo in a tight hug. “Thanks, Tomoyo-chan, for
everything; I really don’t know what I’d do without you…” but the hint of
emptiness in her voice didn’t go unnoticed to the non-magical girl of the two. She may not have had powers, but there were
always certain things that Tomoyo was able to sense herself. In Sakura’s case…it was lonliness.
“Come
on, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo whispered in her ear, “let’s go back with the others.”
Receiving little more than a nod in response, Tomoyo leaned forward to get
up. Sakura followed suit, Tomoyo’s arm
still supportively around her.
Wordlessly, the two girls headed back over towards the giant Cherry
Blossom tree.
Once
there, Sakura slowly looked up, and directly into Syaoran’s eyes. She slowly moved out of Tomoyo’s grasp,
towards the boy she loved more than anything.
The cold glares normally reserved for everyone else in the world (especially
Eriol) were replaced with warmth and understanding…something he did only for
her. Without a sound, Syaoran wrapped
him arms around her, bringing her in tight.
Sakura buried her face in his chest, arms around his waste, as he calmly
stroked her hair, much as Tomoyo had done before. Planting a kiss on the top of her head, he then laid his chin
upon the same spot and closed his eyes.
A slight gust of wind blew a few cherry blossoms from the tree and
around the couple as they swayed slightly in the waft.
“
’Love you.” Syaoran whispered. Sakura
smiled in response, and closed her eyes breifly
“I
know.” When she opened them again, the young girl felt cold, wet drops
trickling down her cheeks. Knowing
immediately what they were, she simply buried herself in her love’s arms once
more, and allowed herself to cry. “I love you, too.”
Tomoyo
stood off to the side, watching them with tears rimming her own eyes. Long ago, she had declared that Sakura’s
happiness was her happiness…and was determined to make Sakura happy, even if it
was at a minor expense of her own at times….
A
hand appeared on Tomoyo’s shoulder, and when she turned around she found a
gently-smiling Eriol attached. Focusing
her attention back to the pair in front of her, Tomoyo wordlessly placed a
delicate hand of her own on top of Eriol’s; their fingers intertwined, and
remained that way. “You okay?” Eriol whispered into her ear, receiving a small
nod from the girl in response.
Just
outside the cemetery fence, Touya and Yukito stood, looking in on the small
group. Yukito had a proud,
authority-figure look on his face as he munched on a sandwich at the same time,
while Touya…well…just glared.
“I
don’t know what she sees in that brat.” He muttered for the umpteenth
time. Yukito inwardly sighed,
swallowing his current bite before speaking up.
“Obviously
something you don’t,” Yukito lightly argued, smiling as he spoke, “You’ll just
have to face it; She’s in love with him, and there’s nothing you can do about
it.”
“But…”
Touya tried protesting, but his tone was less challenging with every word,
“She’s only a child…”
Walking
over next to Touya, Yukito gave a side-ways stare at the couple in question as
she answered, “She’s not a child. Not
anymore. Look, To-ya, I know you want
to protect her…but you must have realized that he does, too.”
Touya
didn’t speak for a good while after that.
He just watched. Watched as
Sakura continued to cry in his arms as he calmly stroked her hair
and whispered words to soothe her. The
more he watched, the less angry he became.
Finally, Touya couldn’t help but become just a little bit safe, now
knowing who would be looking after his little Sakura…
No,
she’s not a little girl anymore, his mind told him.
A sudden flash, and Touya could almost see his mother’s image before his
very eyes. Then, looking back over at
Sakura, he smiled. Just like mother…she’s definitely her mother’s daughter….
“Come on, Yuki, let’s go.” Touya finally spoke up. The two calmly walked off, leaving the little display in the cemetery at bay. Touya gave one last glance behind him as he and Yuki headed back towards town.
Thank
you, mother….
A
pale image of a lovely young woman sat on the fence where Touya and Yukito had
just stood. With a gentle smile, she
waved farewell to her beloved son, then turned her attention back to Sakura
before slowly fading away.
_________________________________
Grandma “Reebok”¹
Oct. 12, 1913-Dec. 13, 1999
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1- As a joke between her grandchildren, we gave her that nickname because she would always wear Reebok sneakers, no matter where she went (church and fancy occasions were the only exception)
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